8 X 30 Project Day 75- Spiders and Support

Too funny look at my title and I didn’t even realize that they both really work together. A spider can’t have enough support with out all it’s webs spread out from branch to branch or place to place right?

So to be honest, if I would have written this earlier, I probably would have come out guns a blazin and no mercy, but I have had time to thing things over and I think in my older age I am mellowing out a little. Also, and honestly, I have no time for drama anymore.

Today I had a fellow mom in Molly’s class tell me to be more “independent and get a sitter.” She said this because she is not able to help me and I thanked someone who is able to help me publicly on my blog. I had asked her before for help bringing Molly home from a soccer game when Gracie began to vomit from a headache. She told me then also to “get a sitter”. This is fine, you can’t help, that is fine. I am seriously okay with this. We all have our lives to deal with, I am busy, you are busy, no worries. 🙂 But when you are making someone feel bad because you feel bad, that is making it personal. Which is wrong.

Then I started to wonder if other spouses in the military were dealing with the same sort of comments. I was shocked to find so many replies and different comments they had received. I am sure that even non-military spouses deal with the same comments if their husbands tend to be gone a long time too. What I found in every comment made, besides mine, that was down right mean, that they seemed to have good intentions, but with no follow on support. Or and I am trying not to be judgmental, maybe they really just don’t understand how the military works. I always thought everyone knew, but I am surprised by my conversations with my photogs that I am the first military person they have really had contact with and have no idea what it must be like. They are all very supportive of me, and most of them my main cheering crowd.

So then I decided to think about it more today, it bothered me that I see a lot of wives, military or not, trying to reach out for support and not receive it. Everyone in their everyday life needs love and support. Sometimes people don’t know so you have to ask. In my situation, there are not a lot of military spouses in the area, so the military life is new to a lot. I just need to put away my pride and ask too! Most of everyone I know is there for me in one way or another. Even people I don’t expect it from. But this isn’t always possible for some people.

Do I hate comments like…oh they(the children) are young so they will get over it, or 6 months that isn’t that long, or even worse be more independent. Which honestly makes me laugh now. I am about as independent as you can get. I live alone with four children and no family. Hmmm…what do you think? Okay I am getting off the subject, but I mean seriously? Sometimes I think, well maybe it is me, maybe I am complaining to much about him being gone or maybe I said to much about having a hard time with the girls. But I also realize that my support is out there, in cyberspace, all my gals from everywhere there to hear me complain and complain. It isn’t fun being here by myself.It’s not fun for anyone to be by themselves.

How can we solve this problem. I think being open and honest with people. Let them know that, yes, I do need help. Please help me. I am the worst at this, but pick up the phone and call your girlfriends. I know, today I got a call from a friend I haven’t spoken to in a couple of months and it made my day. It is the simple things, invites to coffee, a little note in the mail, emails, or just a quick hello on FB. Do what you can do. I or no one else walks in your shoes. You know what you are able to do and no one can judge you for it. I always tell moms, “Hey. What works for your family, is what works or your family. Don’t change it.”.

So now I am making it my goal to be supportive of not only my military spouse friends, but to my non military friends too. I am going to make an earnest effort to reach out to at least one person everyday. I can only hope that I can make their day or at least make it a happier one. Like I said at the beginning. We all are really like the arms on the spider web. We all have to be there to support each other, it isn’t a competition to who can help who or even who can’t help who. It is just letting the other person, “Hey girl…I am here for you.”.

12/365 Days of Gratitude

Today I am grateful for the mom in Molly’s class for making one of the meanest comments that I have ever had said to me. It made me realize that not everyone understands the position that I am in. That I have to be honest with people, which by the way is one of my strongest personality traits, I HATE lying, and let them know that I need help, but if you can’t…hey, not a worry in the world ,dude. And honestly, I won’t think a second thought about it, because I am busy and have a life. I am really grateful for this person to make me realize who is here for me and who is here to just judge me. And finally, I am grateful for this person to also point out to me that, you know what, I am doing it and I AM independent.

I thought about using these for my assignment this week but can’t decide.

Travis Likes - September 29, 2010 - 10:40 pm

Well, I can’t see the photos because the internet is sloooow out here, but that was a great blog. I think you have the right attitude. If everyone could just “walk a mile” in each others shoes, I think we would live in a much more tolerant world. Love you babe!

Lori - September 30, 2010 - 6:21 am

Great post Jenny, and so true about needing to be honest and upfront in asking for help. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I feel like I have very little support from old friends now that I’m down here, but I haven’t been brave enough to talk to them about it. Your pictures are great! I love the first color one, and the last B&W. Looks like you’re really enjoying your photo classes!!

Amy - September 30, 2010 - 3:24 pm

Awesome job you are doing! I can’t even imagine. Mike travels a lot for work and is gone for weeks on end, but at least is home on the week-ends. I don’t know what I would do without it. I seriously got such a chuckle from your gratitude challenge. The first sentence caught me off guard. PLEASE don’t read my update tonight on my blog. I almost don’t want to post it because of you. Hang in there. You are a strong lady and doing awesome!!

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